Healing

What a rollercoaster of emotions I've been lately. It amazes me how easy it is to put on a happy face and tell others how "great" everything is when it really isn't. This happens so often that you almost begin to believe it. Then, after sweeping these thoughts/emotions/issues under the rug for so long, you get so overwhelmed that you have no choice but to face them head on, ready or not.

I'm the queen of the "tough guy" face. Trying to convince myself how strong I am, lately I've been a ball of emotions and on the verge of tears pretty much all the time. Through situations I won't get in to, the past couple years have been plagued with betrayal and sadness just to name a few. I'm not usually one to get deep for anyone to read, but I've come to a place where I have to get it out or I won't make it. Don't get me wrong, there's been joy sprinkled in there as well, but how easy it is to let the negative in our life consume us.

My mother is a breast cancer survivor. I thank God for healing her and sparing her for my family's sake. However, that year of her sickness, mixed in with some other personal issues, was the worst year of my life. I was going through an old journal today and found a page where I had documented all the emotions I felt throughout the year. I wrote them down as I experienced them. I want to share them with you. For all I know, this may be an encouragement that you can/will overcome whatever it is you may be struggling with.

Here they are, in order:
1. Disbelief
2. Sadness
3. Anger
4. Peace
5. Guilt
6. Anticipation
7. Hope
8. Relief
9. Thankfulness
10. Joy

In this time I've been taking to be silent and hear from God, I've realized that in dealing with my feelings about my mom being sick, I ignored some other negative situations in my life that now need to be dealt with to be healthy in other areas of my life. Betrayal is probably one of the most hurtful things we can experience. How encouraging is it to know that our Heavenly Father sent his son, Jesus, down to this earth to experience this very thing, betrayal, by those that were closest to him?? It's comforting to know that when I pray for healing in my heart, He knows exactly what I am feeling...

And finally, here is a song I found today that says it all...at least for this topic. :)

He Wants It All by Forever Jones:

A Higher Standard

Do you have someone in your life that you hold to a higher standard than everyone else? Spiritually, they are the one that you turn to for guidance and direction, and also the one you shy away from if you mess up, b/c you would hate more than anything for that person to think any less of you. While at the same time, you know they would never think less of you b/c they are so spiritually, morally, ethically sound, that they would never judge.

What happens when that person in your life messes up? When they fall from this pedestal you have put them on?

This has happened to me a couple times in my life all within the last 6 months. Both situations totally caught me off guard b/c they were “big” things. How dare these people that I so looked up to, turn around and make choices that clearly, they would have warned me against if the roles were reversed? Then I started thinking…is it really fair to judge these people on a different scale than everyone else? If “Joe Heathen” did the same thing, I wouldn’t think twice, because he’s, well, a heathen! But when a spiritual mentor makes a mistake, the world seems to be a darker place. Talk about pressure! it clearly says in Romans 3:23 that: “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Ah ha-- everyone sins. Of course, as Christians, we are to strive to be like Jesus and not give into our sinful nature. But when it comes down to it, even those spiritual leaders in our lives stumble. The question is, will we be there for them to pick them back up?

We all have lapses in our judgment and we all need the support of fellow Christians to encourage us, pray for/with us and to lift us back up. So next time you encounter similar situation, remember we are all human and nobody’s perfect.

I wanna set the world on fire

I found myself to be in a bit of a funk lately...and I don't exactly love it.

I'm very content with my life, but I can't help but feel like there's more for me out there. Like God has bigger things for me. Is He preparing me right now, or have I gotten lazy in my aspirations?

Like I said, I'm content with my life, but is that enough?

I came across this song tonight by Britt Nicole and the following lyrics really struck a chord with me...

"Take my dreams, come and give them wings.
Lord with you, there's nothing I cannot do.

I wanna set the world on fire,
until it's burning bright for You.
It's everything that I desire,
Can I be the one You use?"

Just what I needed

Isn't it amazing how God uses people to confirm things in our lives?

A personal struggle I've had over the past year is finding my purpose in life. Why can't I find a job using my degree? Why am I working where I am? Why am I single? What's next? What am I supposed to do next and how soon can I get the heck outta here?

I've found myself constantly being so anxious about my future. So much so, that I was missing the moments. I haven't been soaking it all in. If I have to live this life, why spend every day being discontent? Why not appreciate what you've been giving and live each day to the fullest?

Back to God's confirmation. I was working this weekend and was talking to a military man that I really respect. Not knowing my situation at all, as he addressed the group he touched on the very issues I have been struggling with. He said that he found himself asking God why he was punishing him, when finally it clicked...it's not about me, it's about Him.

Of course there was more to the speech that I won't go into, but the point it, his words were exactly what I needed to hear. I'm so thankful for a God that uses people to confirm things in our lives. It may not be in an audible voice, but it's comforting to know that He cares enough to use others to speak to me when I need it the most.

Check out Psalm 27

life.

When is it time to move on? move forward? or do we just wait? When you get to a point of complete frusturation and you know you have more to offer the world than what you've been doing, what are you supposed to do? Yea I know, the obvious answer is to pray for direction. My whole life has been praying for direction. I know it has gotten me this far, but lately it's gotten to a point where this wall I keep running into will not fall down. I'm stuck, and honestly, my shoulder is starting to hurt...

In life, how does one distinguish between waiting on God for direction and just settling for mediocrity?