Online Dating Profile 101

This post is for all my single friends, specifically those with testosterone.

Dating sites. We've all tried them.  C'mon.  Admit it.  Ain't no shame in your game.  

Whether Christian Mingle, Match.com or Plenty of Fish (to name a few), I've found one constant- more often than not, these guys are so clueless with their profiles.  Seriously dude. You're better than that.

So, for the single fellas reading this, I present to you...

"5 WAYS TO GET ME TO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PROFILE:"

You're welcome in advance.

1.  SHIRTLESS PROFILE PICTURE.  Let’s be real here, there are at least 20 more guys with hotter bods than you so impress me with your face, wit and charm, not your mediocre abs.

2.  ANOTHER WOMAN.  I don’t care if it’s your mom, your sister, your cousin or Great Aunt Betty with you in your profile picture.  If I wanted to compete, I'd go on The Bachelor.

3.  CHEESY HEADLINE.  I'm sure you really are: “Prince Charming” “Mr. Right” “Casanova” or “Theoneforyou"  and you just haven't found your princess yet.  Riiiight. 

4.  DRAMA FREE ZONE.  Your intro paragraph warns girls with drama from messaging you. Translation: You either are drama or have had a lot of it in the past.  You have baggage written all over you. Not interested. 

5. FLAMES BUTTON-UP SHIRT.  1996 called and they want their shirt back.  And probably your haircut, JNCO jeans and Vans tennis shoes as well. 

Top seven reasons I would never wanna be the bachelorette

1. They say the camera adds 10 lbs. Enough said. 

2. When you turn anything into a competition for guys, they want to WIN. Even if they don't care about the prize,  it's about WINNING the competition. Insert insecurities now. Did I mention guys like to win?!!  (Well, i mean all guys except the Chicago Cubs). 

3.  I don't think ABC could find 25 guys to meet my height requirements. "This season on the first ever Giant Bachelorette..." 

4.  It's all bubbles and puppies till the cameras are off. Of course I'm gonna be super awesome the 5 minutes that  Prince Charming and I are together before we decide we are in love. But what about when real life hits and you find out that sometimes I don't wear makeup and that I actually prefer basketball shorts over booty shorts?! 

5.  My mom still thinks I don't kiss boys. I'd hate for her to find out on national television because of course I'd have to try every flavor... That's what the bachelorette does, right? Duh. 

6.  The idea of them dropping me off 50 ft away from my date just so I could dramatically run to him is just silly. I wouldn't do it. They'd probably end up firing me and going back to short girls who think frolicking is cute. 

7. My friends would make fun of me. 

So in the meantime... "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4