13 September 2010


What a rollercoaster of emotions I've been lately. It amazes me how easy it is to put on a happy face and tell others how "great" everything is when it really isn't. This happens so often that you almost begin to believe it. Then, after sweeping these thoughts/emotions/issues under the rug for so long, you get so overwhelmed that you have no choice but to face them head on, ready or not.

I'm the queen of the "tough guy" face. Trying to convince myself how strong I am, lately I've been a ball of emotions and on the verge of tears pretty much all the time. Through situations I won't get in to, the past couple years have been plagued with betrayal and sadness just to name a few. I'm not usually one to get deep for anyone to read, but I've come to a place where I have to get it out or I won't make it. Don't get me wrong, there's been joy sprinkled in there as well, but how easy it is to let the negative in our life consume us.

My mother is a breast cancer survivor. I thank God for healing her and sparing her for my family's sake. However, that year of her sickness, mixed in with some other personal issues, was the worst year of my life. I was going through an old journal today and found a page where I had documented all the emotions I felt throughout the year. I wrote them down as I experienced them. I want to share them with you. For all I know, this may be an encouragement that you can/will overcome whatever it is you may be struggling with.

Here they are, in order:
1. Disbelief
2. Sadness
3. Anger
4. Peace
5. Guilt
6. Anticipation
7. Hope
8. Relief
9. Thankfulness
10. Joy

In this time I've been taking to be silent and hear from God, I've realized that in dealing with my feelings about my mom being sick, I ignored some other negative situations in my life that now need to be dealt with to be healthy in other areas of my life. Betrayal is probably one of the most hurtful things we can experience. How encouraging is it to know that our Heavenly Father sent his son, Jesus, down to this earth to experience this very thing, betrayal, by those that were closest to him?? It's comforting to know that when I pray for healing in my heart, He knows exactly what I am feeling...

And finally, here is a song I found today that says it all...at least for this topic. :)

He Wants It All by Forever Jones:

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